New Jersey Family and Addiction Institute
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As a therapist I work with a lot of college students. Some come for depression, others for anxiety. Many report feelings of loneliness. Almost all share that they feel a bit lost about who they are and what they actually want to do. I really enjoy working with my college students. Recently, I have noticed […]
As a therapist I work with a lot of college students. Some come for depression, others for anxiety. Many report feelings of loneliness. Almost all share that they feel a bit lost about who they are and what they actually want to do. I really enjoy working with my college students. Recently, I have noticed a new theme with them; a strong desire to return to school and the fear that it isn’t likely to happen.
In early March I really started to become concerned about the COVID-19 virus. I remember thinking that it was only a matter of time before schools would start to close. One of my Rutgers students contacted me one day and said that Rutgers was closing for several weeks following spring break. Immediately I thought, “Right now the school is only saying they are closing for several weeks but once they stop they aren’t going back.” Sure enough, after several weeks Rutgers announced that the campuses would remain closed for the rest of the semester.
Most of my students were disappointed. Several of them are paying their way through school. The majority of my students value in-person learning. They kept their chins up and soldiered through the rest of the semester. They were propelled by the thought “Well this sucks but we will back on campus in the fall.” The issue now is that that may not be likely.
I fear that we are going to see a domino effect. Throughout the pandemic California has been at the forefront of taking action steps to fight back. California was the first state to shelter-in-place.
Like California, New Jersey and New York have been especially hit hard by the pandemic. Both states have mirrored many of the steps that California has taken. In just the past few days California has announced that fall 2020 classes will only be offered online. Additionally, they advised that none of the campuses will fully re-open in the fall.
With California closing schools for the fall 2020 semester, it seems like it is only a matter of time before New York and New Jersey follow suit. While I don’t anticipate big schools like Rutgers announcing campuses will remain closed for the fall semester anytime soon, I think they eventually will.
Rutgers has already started to take steps in that direction. Several of my students have reported to me that the only classes offered for next semester so far are all online courses. It seems like the writing is on the wall.
This is one of the main questions I have been getting from students recently. The first thing that I remind them of is that the fall semester is still months away. The current environment is very fluid and ever shifting. There is no way to know what things will look like in September right now.
For all of the concerned students I work with we perform a cost-benefit analysis. Is the cost (time and money) worth the benefit of online courses (learning and staying on track with graduation)? We also look at their motives and goals surrounding school.
If their goals are to graduate to get the “piece of paper” which shows that they checked that box, then they might elect to take online courses.
Alternatively, if their goal is to learn and they feel they don’t get the same education from online classes, then we look at taking a semester off. Several students have shared with me that once courses switched to online numerous professors “checked out.” They stopped hosting lectures and students just needed to respond to weekly posts. All learning came to a stop for those who learn best within an interactive or listening approach.
The decision to take a semester off shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you just spend that time playing video games, watching television, or on social media, you made a poor decision. Alternatively, if you spend that time working on yourself, it is time well spent. Below are some ways you can focus on your development.
I have multiple degrees. Between undergrad and grad school I took over 70 courses. I have something like 220 credits. Yet in all honesty I feel that most of what I have learned has come from reading books. I have no set process for picking books to read. The only prerequisite is that the topic sounds interesting. At different points books clarified for me the type of work I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.
If you decide to take the semester off read. Read a lot. Read about whatever interests you. You might discover careers you never thought of. You might realize that careers you thought you would like you actually don’t. Books represent an opportunity to get insight into different career paths. Countless times I have had clients come in in their mid-20s hating their jobs but too scared to start over. I have written about that extensively before. You can access that article here.
We live in a hyper-consumption society today. The messages we receive is to pursue more. More money. More toys. More success. Yet every day I encounter people who achieved “more”. They have everything they set out to get only to then realize it doesn’t mean anything to them.
Most young adults are in pursuit of the golden ring. They reason with themselves saying “Well once I get enough then I can actually think about all that other stuff.” This is completely backwards. College students are at a unique age. They are in the formative years where they still have curiosity and haven’t been tainted by the pursuit of money.
A semester off is a great time to really hone in on what’s important to you and what you want out of life. Get in touch with what’s in your heart. Numerous studies clearly show that money does not correlate to more happiness beyond a certain level. It turns out that that level is much lower than most realize.
One of my favorite ways to engage in self-reflection is journaling. Anytime I journal the first half is usually just a thought dump, a mental de-cluttering process. The next quarter is focused on making sense of what’s going on in my head and in my life. The final section, and the really important one, is focused on how I want to move forward and what is important to me.
Just because you aren’t in crisis doesn’t mean that you couldn’t benefit from help. A number of my clients started seeing me when they were actually in a stable place. They figured that since there weren’t any fires in their lives to be put out that they could jump right into some deep work.
Use this time to invest in yourself. Don’t be afraid to get some therapy and dig really deep into your life. Everyone has issues that could use some work. Everyone has pain in their past and worry about their future. Therapy can help you really clarify what is important to you in your heart. Armed with that knowledge when life returns to normal you can move forward with intent and purpose. Reach out to us here to chat. We are happy to talk with you.
As this pandemic continues there are serious concerns about the effect it will have on kid’s mental health. As a therapist who specializes in issues youths and young adults face, I have seen this impact locally in Morris County with clients and families that I work with. Further contributing to my concern about kids’ mental […]
As this pandemic continues there are serious concerns about the effect it will have on kid’s mental health. As a therapist who specializes in issues youths and young adults face, I have seen this impact locally in Morris County with clients and families that I work with.
Further contributing to my concern about kids’ mental health is early research out of China. Research from the Hubei province shows significant increases in depression and anxiety for kids. For reference the Hubei Province is home to Wuhan which is considered the center of the COVID-19 outbreak. Research shows that approximately 20% of kids are struggling with depression and anxiety.
In response to the pandemic schools in the Hubei province had closed for approximately 3 months. During that time kids stayed home and had little socialization outside of their house.
As a researcher and therapist I was not surprised that kids would experience heightened depression and anxiety when socially isolated. I was surprised though that the higher levels of depression and anxiety continued after the kids returned to school.
New Jersey just cancelled the rest of the school year. With most schools closing in mid to late March and cancelling through the rest of the year that will total about 3 months. This is the same amount of time that schools were closed in China.
There are several reasons that kids in China were experiencing distress. There was the social isolation, total disruption of their lives, financial distress of their parents. They were scared of getting the virus. Many children in the Tri-State area face the same concerns.
Fortunately, there are several things that parents and community members can do here to help kids and their emotional health. The suggestions I outline below are simple changes which can have a positive effect.
Kids, like adults, do better when they have a routine. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from your routine. That’s one of the benefits of vacations. However, now that we are several weeks into the quarantine it’s important to establish routines. Work with your kids to build a schedule which includes time for school, play, and family. Kids do better when they have a routine in place.
Prior to the pandemic I knew that youth and young adults were not good at identifying or sharing their emotions. The pandemic has only made these struggles worse. However, it also provides an opportunity for growth. With families spending more time together than before, parents can model how to talk about feelings to their kids.
Sit with your kids and talk to them. Ask them how they are feeling. If they are scared ask them what they are scared about. Practice active listening. Share with them how you are feeling. Clearly communicate to them that it is okay for them to feel whatever they are feeling. This can also help them beyond the pandemic as they move forward in life.
Prior to the pandemic kids were busier than ever before. They had school, sports, and after-school activities. Such structured schedules make it difficult for kids to be kids. With this unique time and space, we should be encouraging kids to rediscover old hobbies or find new ones. This shouldn’t be a time where kids spend more hours than ever on social media or video games. Hobbies are meant to enrich our life. Help your kids get in touch with theirs.
Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between a little emotional dip and when professional help is required. Always err on the side of caution. If you notice that your child has been down or not themselves for a week or longer reach out for help. In some instances, your child will benefit from speaking with a professional and processing their emotions. Read some of the articles on this website or reach out to us directly using the contact now section on the right side of this page to learn more. We are happy to help.
The start of a new school year can produce a number of emotions for students and their families. Students can feel excited to see all of their friends again and eager for the fun that follows. They can be nervous about the academics. They might experience anxiety about being back in school. Regardless of the […]
The start of a new school year can produce a number of emotions for students and their families. Students can feel excited to see all of their friends again and eager for the fun that follows. They can be nervous about the academics. They might experience anxiety about being back in school. Regardless of the emotions that they feel, our youth need to be supported at the transition back to school. This article will discuss strategies families can employ to help smooth out the transition process.
One of the most important things to overall mental health and academic performance is having a standard sleep routine. Lack of sleep is a predisposition to negative emotions. What is a normal level of anxiety about a test can become paralyzing with diminished sleep. Establishing a sleep routine is paramount for optimal performance.
Experts recommend removing televisions from youth bedrooms. An estimated 60-70% of U.S. youth have televisions in their bedrooms. Numerous studies show that this adversely impacts sleep. Getting televisions out of the bedroom is a great first step. However more steps need to follow. Smartphones and laptops also need to be removed from bedrooms.
Ask your children what they are interested in. Find activities aligned with their interests. Try new things to see what sticks. Extracurricular involvement can provide an enriching experience. It can also provide additional structure to kids schedules. It is not ideal for children to come home to an empty house with nothing to do after the school day ends. Extracurricular activities can serve as a way for children to stay busy and active.
Do not believe that your kids are doing well based on what they are posting on social media. Check in with your children and really gauge how they are doing. The start of the school year can be marked with anxiety, depression, loneliness, and bullying. Have dinner with them every week and pay attention to the answers your children provide. Talk to the parents of your children’s friends.
Establish rules regarding social media and technology use in the household and stand by them. The average teenager spends between seven to nine hours per day on screens for entertainment purposes (social media, video games, television). Some good areas for rules include:
Talk to the parents of your children’s friends. Share with them your household rules and the rationale behind them. It is difficult to be “the only kid” in school who is not allowed to have an electronic device in their bedroom. Try to create a community based on similar rules so that your children aren’t the only ones with them.
If you have concerns about your child’s emotional health please do not hesitate to seek professional help. Reach out to us here at NJFAI with any questions or concerns that you have. Watch your children and trust your gut if you have concerns.
As a child and young adult I always loved summer. It was a time of sun, fun, no school, and little responsibility. The temperature has been rising and the days are getting longer in New Jersey. Summer is officially just around the corner. Recently I have been speaking a lot with parents and professionals about […]
As a child and young adult I always loved summer. It was a time of sun, fun, no school, and little responsibility. The temperature has been rising and the days are getting longer in New Jersey. Summer is officially just around the corner.
Recently I have been speaking a lot with parents and professionals about issues our youth and young adults face. For the past year I have researched and written a lot on screen time. As we transition into summer I think it’s a good time for us to look at screen time again.
The WHO is a multinational organization. The WHO gathers doctors and policy experts from around the world. These doctors and policy experts share information on issues and then come up with solutions.
In the past year I realized that the WHO was starting to look at screen time. Initially I was shocked. Warning bells and lights started going off in my mind. The WHO, the organization which has tackled serious diseases such as polio and HIV, is now looking at screen time. Clearly doctors around the world are seriously concerned about the effect of screen time on our youth.
The WHO recently issued guidelines about safe amounts of screen time based on age. The screen time referenced in these guidelines is passive screen time. This is time where a child watches a non-educational show (think YouTube and shows that have no purpose). The WHO guidelines are provided below:
When I read these recommendations I had several thoughts.
After I finished my frantic call with my brother I looked at actual screen time rates among our youth. Below are recent statistics:
After reading this research I went for a long walk to think. During my walk I had several thoughts and emotions.
Research and my experience has shown me that screen time can be an issue. One important factor to keep in mind is that not all screen time is created equally. Many schools are moving towards being digitally integrated. It is not uncommon for students to have school-issued laptops and tablets now.
I am not anti technology. I myself spend several hours per day in front a screen researching and writing. My concern is children who spend hours per day. One of the most common statements I hear from parents is that their kids spend their entire weekends in front of their screens.
With the dismissal of school kids are going to have way less supervision than normal. With few external sources telling them to “get off their phones/laptop/tv/video games” kids are going to be in front of screens at much higher rates. I could easily see a scenario where kids spend Monday-Sunday in front of screens.
Summer should not be a season marked by a lack of supervision. I understand that with parents pulled in so many directions today it can be difficult to monitor their kids. While this isn’t easy it is very important to remain aware of what kids are doing. Children should not sleep in a room with screens. This includes phones, tablets, laptops, and televisions. Households should also have rules about what conditions must be met for screen time. These can include exercise, reading a book, doing chores, etc. I also recommend reading the other articles here on social media and video games. Feel free to reach out to us with any questions, comments, or concerns that you have. We are here to help.
References:
https://www.parent24.com/Teen_13-18/Development/what-is-an-appropriate-screen-time-limit-for-teens-we-could-be-back-to-square-one-20181108
https://slate.com/technology/2019/04/screen-time-world-health-organization-limits.html
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-06-summer-vacation-screen.html
https://qz.com/1367506/pew-research-teens-worried-they-spend-too-much-time-on-phones/
This is probably a post I should have written a month ago. However it came to me this morning while I was on my morning walk around Madison. Summer has arrived for our college students. Unless they are attending summer sessions, they are most likely home. A common questions I get from parents is “Should […]
This is probably a post I should have written a month ago. However it came to me this morning while I was on my morning walk around Madison. Summer has arrived for our college students. Unless they are attending summer sessions, they are most likely home.
A common questions I get from parents is “Should I let my college-aged student drink in my home when they are home from school?” Logically they think “I know they are drinking at school anyway.” This is a great question and I am always happy to provide some thoughts. I also cover two other topics I think are worth covering with your child college student.
I remember when I was dropped off by my parents at college. While my mother cried my father took me to the side and told me two things.
As the youngest of four boys I was my mother’s baby. I made sure to call her a couple of times per week. This made her happy. This was a good directive from my father. After all, mothers worry.
His second point, that I was now an adult, was a little off. Technically based on age I was. But going to college was like having the training wheels taken off. At best I would say I was a quasi adult; part adult part child. I certainly had much more responsibility and a greater degree of freedom, but I was still immature and prone to poor decisions. By the time I finished college I was more of an adult than when I went to college.
Set up time with your child where you can sit down and discuss your expectations. I would caution against ambushing your child or having the conversation at 7 a.m. on your way out the door to work. Set up time in advance. Topics to cover:
As a member of Al-Anon I spend a lot of time with mothers who are excited about their children coming home from school. By the time June rolls around though they tell me they can’t wait to have the peace of their household back when their children return to school. Reintegrating in one household can be a little rough. On the one hand your child is always your child. On the other your child has partially become an adult. Realize that there may be some rocky moments. Have patience. Remember though that your house is your house. Do not condone illegal or dangerous behavior. Feel free to reach out to us here at NJFAI if you have any questions, comments or concerns.
I have been seeing a lot of pieces in the news recently about how youth today are really anxious. This corresponds with what we at NJFAI have been seeing in our clients. However these news segments got me thinking, “Are our youth really more anxious or is this the media causing a hysteria?” I decided […]
I have been seeing a lot of pieces in the news recently about how youth today are really anxious. This corresponds with what we at NJFAI have been seeing in our clients. However these news segments got me thinking, “Are our youth really more anxious or is this the media causing a hysteria?” I decided to turn to the research and find out the truth.
The Pew Research Center recently conducted a poll among youth. The focus of the poll is on issues youth identify as being the most common among their friends. Researchers found that 70% of youth report anxiety and depression as a major problem.
Between 2009 and 2017 depression rates among teens increased by 60%.
In 2017 13% of Americans between the ages of 12 and 25 experienced a major depressive episode.
A 2017 survey of college students found that 40% of students struggle to function due to depression. 60% feel overwhelming anxiety. At NJFAI we work with a lot of college students. While these statistics may seem shocking I am confident they are accurate.
Another study found that up to 20% of college students are so stressed they contemplate suicide.
The short answer to this question is yes. In the United States we have kept data for decades on depression and anxiety rates among youth. Currently these levels are the highest we have ever seen.
To put it simply our youth and young adults are experiencing serious mental health issues. Additionally they are not receiving the help they need. This is why suicide continues to be one of the leading causes of death among teens and young adults.
Generally I speak from a therapist and researcher perspective. However I want to just speak plainly about the depression and anxiety we are seeing in our youth. They live in a world of hyperactivity and virtual connectivity.
In an age of mass connection our youth have never been as bad at connecting with others. Most of their relationships lack depth and meaning. It is pretty common for one of my clients to report struggling with loneliness despite the fact that they have over 500 “friends” on Facebook.
What I see is a whole generation of youth walking around feeling bad about themselves. Furthermore this is compounded by the fact that they compare themselves to others they see online. So what we have is youth compare what they feel internally to what others project externally. Our youth usually end up losing that comparison and end up feeling even worse about themselves.
As a therapist I think that most youth and young adults should go to therapy. The dramatic rises in depression and anxiety are really concerning to me. If you have concerns about a loved one please contact a mental health professional. Suicide is far too common. I also recommend reading the other articles on this site about our youth population. Finally please do not rely on your child’s social media presence as an indication that your child is doing well. Check in with your children on how they are actually doing. We are here to help and please feel free to contact us.
Sources:
http://time.com/5190291/anxiety-depression-college-university-students/
This article originally appeared on Mycentraljersey.com I’ve been working as a drug and alcohol counselor for 15 years. Over that period of time, I’ve added other titles: social worker, university professor, special state officer, Army medical officer, board member, policy advisor and professional speaker. But my direct work in the field of drug and […]
This article originally appeared on Mycentraljersey.com
I’ve been working as a drug and alcohol counselor for 15 years. Over that period of time, I’ve added other titles: social worker, university professor, special state officer, Army medical officer, board member, policy advisor and professional speaker.
But my direct work in the field of drug and alcohol treatment remains as the foundation for all the things I do. Since 2010, there has been a huge surge in both overdose deaths and media attention. While I’m saddened about the former, I’m encouraged that news organizations are covering stories about addiction and recovery on a seemingly daily basis.
The opioid overdose epidemic is awful. But alcohol abuse and dependence remains a huge societal problem, as does the misuse of prescription drugs such as Adderall, Xanax and Valium.
I receive a few dozen calls, emails, and texts each month from friends or family members. Typically they are asking for advice on how to handle someone that is using alcohol or drugs. If you are worried about a friend or family member, here are a number of tasks that you can do in order to address the problem:
A few times a month, people write me and tell me that they would like to be more involved. For those of you that want to do more macro level work, here are a few tips:
Sources:
https://www.mycentraljersey.com/story/life/wellness/2017/01/02/healthwise-what-you-can-do-fight-alcoholism-drug-addiction/95998216/
