New Jersey Family and Addiction Institute
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Quarantine is really starting to drag on. Initially clients and friends were excited about having some time off from work to recharge. They leaned into it and did all those long-delayed tasks around their home. Some started to cook again. Others finally read that book they were meaning to read. People were scared but felt […]
Quarantine is really starting to drag on. Initially clients and friends were excited about having some time off from work to recharge. They leaned into it and did all those long-delayed tasks around their home. Some started to cook again. Others finally read that book they were meaning to read. People were scared but felt relatively content to enjoy the freedom of being in their house.
That enjoyment of making the best of a bad situation ended about six weeks ago. Every day clients and friends share with me how they are starting to lose their minds. The effect of sustained social distancing has really started to take a toll on their emotional and mental health.
Social distancing helps reduce the spread of COVID-19. People who adhere to social distancing reduce the likelihood they will get sick. However, safety comes at a cost; connection to others. We clearly see the effect social distancing is having on mental health. Alcohol sales, domestic violence, and suicide rates have all increased.
Recently I was talking with a colleague about this strange trade-off between physical and mental health. She was expressing frustration at the trade-off. She described it as feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place.
This is a common phrase we use today. Its roots trace back to Greek mythology. Homer penned it in The Odyssey. He used it to describe a situation where Odysseus (the main character) had to choose between two bad choices. The concept was that no matter which choice Odysseus made it was a bad choice.
With the current pandemic a lot of people feel like they are modern day versions of Odysseus:
“I can stay home and be safe but lose my job or I can keep my job but then possibly get sick.”
“I can be responsible and being lonely or be irresponsible and not lonely.”
It seems like no matter what decision people make they are losing. Many clients, friends, and colleagues have shared thoughts like these with me. It gave me pause and I reflected on some of my own thoughts:
“Either I help my parents and potential expose them to the virus or I don’t help them and one of my parents hurts themselves trying to move furniture by themselves.”
“Either I can avoid connecting my friends and staying safe or I spend time with them but potentially get sick.”
Turns out that even lowly therapists like myself can struggle in these times. In response to client needs, and apparently my own, I decided to write about some steps people can take to maintain their mental health during this pandemic.
It’s slightly fatalistic to think there are only two choices in a situation. In reality there are way more options. I found my mind saying I could either isolate and stay safe or see my friends but possibly get exposed.
Those options are at either end of the spectrum. There are many options in between. For instance, yesterday I decided to see two close friends. We sat outside in chairs that were located way more than six feet apart. We talked, laughed, and connected. We avoided all physical contact but had a great time. Then everyone went home.
Anytime that you catch yourself thinking in an all or nothing way take a step back. Speak to yourself in a kind manner. Say to yourself “Hey you have some all or nothing thoughts going on. It happens. Shake it off and remember that there are so many other options.” I have done this with many clients. Without fail they tell me they feel really silly saying it. Then a week later when they come back they tell me how much its helped.
I am a huge proponent of spending time outside. As a researcher I have read numerous studies which talk about the positive effect that sunshine can have on depression. In my work as a therapist I strongly encourage clients to go for walks. Walking triggers the release of endorphins which make us feel good.
I can very easily allow work and the quarantine to keep me indoors for days on end. Early in quarantine I stayed inside for over 48 hours a time. I realized though that this was starting to take an effect on my mind. Every day now I make it a point to go outside. Some days I go for long walks. Other days I just sit outside. The activity you select isn’t important. What is important is that you get outside.
There are countless studies that demonstrate how the positive effect of meditation. From a physical level meditation has proven to be effective in reducing the heart rate and blood pressure. From a mental health perspective meditation is a great tool in dealing with anxiety.
Recently I have talked to a lot of people struggling with anxiety. With everything going on right now it’s not surprising. Meditation can be really helpful in slowing down the mind. Maybe you are imagining the worst case scenario.
“Was that a cough due to allergies or is it the start of the virus?”
“I am going to lose everything.”
Meditation creates a space for you to become an observer of what is going on in your mind. By observing you can start to engage in thought challenging. You can see which of your thoughts are legitimate and which are not really likely.
I have noticed a significant increase in people reaching out for professional help. As an advocate for mental health I am thrilled by this. Everything going on right now can be really scary. Professional help can help you feel supported so that you aren’t completely overwhelmed. If you have any questions reach out.
As this pandemic continues there are serious concerns about the effect it will have on kid’s mental health. As a therapist who specializes in issues youths and young adults face, I have seen this impact locally in Morris County with clients and families that I work with. Further contributing to my concern about kids’ mental […]
As this pandemic continues there are serious concerns about the effect it will have on kid’s mental health. As a therapist who specializes in issues youths and young adults face, I have seen this impact locally in Morris County with clients and families that I work with.
Further contributing to my concern about kids’ mental health is early research out of China. Research from the Hubei province shows significant increases in depression and anxiety for kids. For reference the Hubei Province is home to Wuhan which is considered the center of the COVID-19 outbreak. Research shows that approximately 20% of kids are struggling with depression and anxiety.
In response to the pandemic schools in the Hubei province had closed for approximately 3 months. During that time kids stayed home and had little socialization outside of their house.
As a researcher and therapist I was not surprised that kids would experience heightened depression and anxiety when socially isolated. I was surprised though that the higher levels of depression and anxiety continued after the kids returned to school.
New Jersey just cancelled the rest of the school year. With most schools closing in mid to late March and cancelling through the rest of the year that will total about 3 months. This is the same amount of time that schools were closed in China.
There are several reasons that kids in China were experiencing distress. There was the social isolation, total disruption of their lives, financial distress of their parents. They were scared of getting the virus. Many children in the Tri-State area face the same concerns.
Fortunately, there are several things that parents and community members can do here to help kids and their emotional health. The suggestions I outline below are simple changes which can have a positive effect.
Kids, like adults, do better when they have a routine. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from your routine. That’s one of the benefits of vacations. However, now that we are several weeks into the quarantine it’s important to establish routines. Work with your kids to build a schedule which includes time for school, play, and family. Kids do better when they have a routine in place.
Prior to the pandemic I knew that youth and young adults were not good at identifying or sharing their emotions. The pandemic has only made these struggles worse. However, it also provides an opportunity for growth. With families spending more time together than before, parents can model how to talk about feelings to their kids.
Sit with your kids and talk to them. Ask them how they are feeling. If they are scared ask them what they are scared about. Practice active listening. Share with them how you are feeling. Clearly communicate to them that it is okay for them to feel whatever they are feeling. This can also help them beyond the pandemic as they move forward in life.
Prior to the pandemic kids were busier than ever before. They had school, sports, and after-school activities. Such structured schedules make it difficult for kids to be kids. With this unique time and space, we should be encouraging kids to rediscover old hobbies or find new ones. This shouldn’t be a time where kids spend more hours than ever on social media or video games. Hobbies are meant to enrich our life. Help your kids get in touch with theirs.
Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between a little emotional dip and when professional help is required. Always err on the side of caution. If you notice that your child has been down or not themselves for a week or longer reach out for help. In some instances, your child will benefit from speaking with a professional and processing their emotions. Read some of the articles on this website or reach out to us directly using the contact now section on the right side of this page to learn more. We are happy to help.
I believe I have the best job in the world. I am a therapist based in Florham Park and Montclair. As a therapist I get to connect with people on an individual level. Over a cup of tea and the course of a session I get snapshots of clients’ lives. With time I get to […]
I believe I have the best job in the world. I am a therapist based in Florham Park and Montclair. As a therapist I get to connect with people on an individual level. Over a cup of tea and the course of a session I get snapshots of clients’ lives. With time I get to see people create or recapture lives that appeared beyond their grasp.
In full disclosure though I must admit that not every session goes fantastic. Not every client comes in for their own personal growth and development. Some clients are propelled into therapy to escape from troubles. Maybe it is a spouse who is fed up. Sometimes it could be parents who are threatening to cut off their child. Other times it could be the threat of academic or career destruction. Sometimes when I meet people whose lives are a wreck.
Now I have no issue with clients like that. I am not judging them. I think raging infernos are a great place to start building from. But some of these clients, coming in with destroyed personal and professional relationships, still struggle to open up. Below is a dialogue with a fictitious client which illustrates this.
Me: So what brings you in? How can I help?
Client: Ah I’ve had some minor hiccups at home and at work.
Me: Okay so you got some friction going on both fronts. Flesh it out for me. Zoom in to the 30,000 foot view.
Client: I really don’t like my boss and my wife is a little annoyed with me.
So I am sitting there with a client who appears relatively calm, cool, and collected. I find myself thinking, “Well this guy is presenting as a 3 on the scale to 10 of infernos. We’ll do some minor cleaning up, give him a little booster shot, and get him back into the game.”
Except I got collateral information from the client’s wife. Turns out the client is on the verge of losing his job for getting into serious and public verbal altercations with his boss. On the home front the wife is packing his bags and getting ready to call the locksmith.
Me: You know I spoke with your wife. She is giving a slightly different picture. Something about some altercations with your boss.
Client: Yeah I guess so. But it isn’t that bad. We are buddies and he wouldn’t do anything.
Me: Strange. I was under the impression that you received your last written warning. Next stop is termination.
Client: Hmm you got me there.
After countless interactions like this a central question started to formulate in my mind. “Why are people so reluctant to share the WHOLE truth?”
With this question in mind I went directly to the source; my clients. Whenever I would become aware that one of them was holding something back I would ask them why.
Me: When I inquired about how your weekend went you said it was pretty good.
Client: Yeah that’s right pretty normal weekend I guess.
Me: Interesting. Did you crash your car this weekend? And were you drinking at the time?
Client: It wasn’t terrible but I did crash my car. I am okay.
Me: I am glad that you are okay. Cars can be repaired much easier than people. I have to ask. Why did you not share that with me before I asked about it?
Client: I guess I was embarrassed about it.
This exchange is very common. As clients start to value our relationship they are sometimes embarrassed when they “mess-up”. Every time this happens is an opportunity for the therapeutic relationship to be strengthened. This is the first of a series of articles on why clients struggle to ask for help. Please tune back in for part 2 in the near future. If you yourself are struggling to ask for help in a certain area in your life, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Recently I read an article on the link between social media and increasing suicide rates among young girls. As a researcher, writer, and therapist, this is something I have been focusing on for the past year. The article got me thinking about a presentation I recently gave to parents on social media. Statistically our children […]
Recently I read an article on the link between social media and increasing suicide rates among young girls. As a researcher, writer, and therapist, this is something I have been focusing on for the past year. The article got me thinking about a presentation I recently gave to parents on social media.
Statistically our children and young adults are not doing well. In fact they are doing terribly. Depression, anxiety, self-injurious behavior, suicidal ideation, and suicides are all up dramatically in the past decade.
Right now we are talking about the opioid epidemic in the U.S. As a substance abuse therapist I am glad that we are having that dialogue. It helps shed light on what is going on. However I am concerned that we aren’t talking nearly enough about teen and young adult suicide.
15% of deaths among our 15-24 year old population are caused by alcohol and drugs. However 18% of deaths for this same population are caused by suicide. In fact, suicide is the 2nd leading causer of death among this age group overall. Clearly this is something that we need to talk about.
The suicide rate for while children and teens has increased by 70% from 2006 to 2016. Suicide rates for teen boys has increased by 30%. Suicide rates for teenage girls is the highest it’s been in 40 years. Visits to pediatric hospitals for patients between the ages of 5 to 17 for suicide thoughts has doubled. The group that is at the highest risk for suicide is white males between the ages of 14 and 21.
Recently the high school and middle school in Chatham conducted a survey on suicidal ideation among the students. They found that 4% of middle school students reported thinking about suicide in the previous year. I was shocked by how high that percentage was. I said to myself “well at least it will be lower among the high school students.” Wrong. 8% of the high school students reported they contemplated suicide in the previous 12 months. We have a serious problem occurring with our youth and young adults.
Traditionally factors such as loneliness and depression can lead to suicide. To determine if these were contributing to the increases in suicide rates I looked at research on loneliness and depression. In particular I was interested in social media and its link to loneliness and depression.
Research shows that loneliness rates have doubled in the United States. Studies have shown that spending more time on social media everyday increases loneliness.
The University of Pennsylvania found a direct link between depression and social media use. They found that the longer you spend on social media, the more depressed you become.
Loneliness and depression are clear contributing factors to suicide. I also see a clear link between social media and suicide.
Our youth and young adults today interact with each other on social media. While this isn’t a bad thing in itself, it is when this becomes their primary means of interacting with others. They lack interpersonal communication skills and are not able to form true deep and meaningful relationships with each other.
Additionally they focus on comparing what they feel internally to what others “post” on social media. They forget that most people are posting on their highlights in life (i.e. when things are going good). A client once said to me once, “When I look at other people’s social media it is like they are having the best day of their life every day.”
Our youth and young adults are being constantly bombarded with filtered photos that don’t show the humanness of humanity. They start to feel that they aren’t “as good” or “as popular” or “as pretty” as others. They start to feel lonely and depressed. This vicious cycle doesn’t stop and they feel worse and worse. Eventually they look a way out. Sadly some find one.
If you have any concerns please reach out to a mental health professional immediately. Suicidal ideation is not something to be taken lightly. Make sure to check in on your kids and see how they are doing. Do not rely on their social media feed to tell you how they are actually feeling. Do not assume that suicide stops once kids reach college. It doesn’t. Please reach out to us here at NJFAI if you have any questions.
Link
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-05-17/surging-suicide-rate-among-young-girls-raises-questions-about-role-of-social-media
I have been seeing a lot of pieces in the news recently about how youth today are really anxious. This corresponds with what we at NJFAI have been seeing in our clients. However these news segments got me thinking, “Are our youth really more anxious or is this the media causing a hysteria?” I decided […]
I have been seeing a lot of pieces in the news recently about how youth today are really anxious. This corresponds with what we at NJFAI have been seeing in our clients. However these news segments got me thinking, “Are our youth really more anxious or is this the media causing a hysteria?” I decided to turn to the research and find out the truth.
The Pew Research Center recently conducted a poll among youth. The focus of the poll is on issues youth identify as being the most common among their friends. Researchers found that 70% of youth report anxiety and depression as a major problem.
Between 2009 and 2017 depression rates among teens increased by 60%.
In 2017 13% of Americans between the ages of 12 and 25 experienced a major depressive episode.
A 2017 survey of college students found that 40% of students struggle to function due to depression. 60% feel overwhelming anxiety. At NJFAI we work with a lot of college students. While these statistics may seem shocking I am confident they are accurate.
Another study found that up to 20% of college students are so stressed they contemplate suicide.
The short answer to this question is yes. In the United States we have kept data for decades on depression and anxiety rates among youth. Currently these levels are the highest we have ever seen.
To put it simply our youth and young adults are experiencing serious mental health issues. Additionally they are not receiving the help they need. This is why suicide continues to be one of the leading causes of death among teens and young adults.
Generally I speak from a therapist and researcher perspective. However I want to just speak plainly about the depression and anxiety we are seeing in our youth. They live in a world of hyperactivity and virtual connectivity.
In an age of mass connection our youth have never been as bad at connecting with others. Most of their relationships lack depth and meaning. It is pretty common for one of my clients to report struggling with loneliness despite the fact that they have over 500 “friends” on Facebook.
What I see is a whole generation of youth walking around feeling bad about themselves. Furthermore this is compounded by the fact that they compare themselves to others they see online. So what we have is youth compare what they feel internally to what others project externally. Our youth usually end up losing that comparison and end up feeling even worse about themselves.
As a therapist I think that most youth and young adults should go to therapy. The dramatic rises in depression and anxiety are really concerning to me. If you have concerns about a loved one please contact a mental health professional. Suicide is far too common. I also recommend reading the other articles on this site about our youth population. Finally please do not rely on your child’s social media presence as an indication that your child is doing well. Check in with your children on how they are actually doing. We are here to help and please feel free to contact us.
Sources:
http://time.com/5190291/anxiety-depression-college-university-students/
