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This article is part one of three on going to college. This article will focus on tips to help students transition into college. Part two will focus on tips for younger siblings. Part three will focus on parents. In a few days I will be going on a service trip to Poland with a group […]
This article is part one of three on going to college. This article will focus on tips to help students transition into college. Part two will focus on tips for younger siblings. Part three will focus on parents.
In a few days I will be going on a service trip to Poland with a group of youths from Florham Park. The kid are between 12 and 18 years old. The majority of them are 18 and transitioning to college in September. Being around them has made me reflect on my own transition into college years ago. I am the youngest of four boys. When my oldest brother went to college I cried. Intuitively I knew that we would never all live under the same roof together. My brothers and I made a ritual. The last night that they were home before they went to school we would spend the night together watching movies.
By the time I went to school I was the only one living at home. I had the latest move in date for my group of friends. I remember my last night I felt conflicting emotions. I was excited but also slightly sad. I realized that I was moving on from the home that I had always known. I also felt slightly guilty for leaving my parents. I was worried about how they would cope with an empty house. It was also slightly terrifying to go to school where I didn’t know anyone. I knew I would have to make a new group of friends which is something I hadn’t done in years.
Anxiety, depression, stress and feeling overwhelmed are very common on college campuses. Below are some statistics on the prevalence of these feelings.
Clearly college students are struggling. The transition to college that I experienced is not uncommon. Below is a list of tips for college students to help with their transition.
Having a steady sleep routine is important. I have always been a reader. Most nights in college I would turn off all of my electronic devices and read for at least half an hour before I went to bed. My freshman year we had a television in my dorm room. That was one of only two years that I had a television in my bedroom. Avoid falling asleep with the television on.
Proper nutrition is key. College dining halls aren’t know for putting out the most healthy food. Rather they serve food that is cheap to buy in bulk. However most dining halls do have health options including salad bars and plenty of fruit. Most days I had a salad for lunch and took a piece of fruit on my way out for a snack.
Exercise is very important for overall health and well-being. It is also a strong combatant to stress and depression. Almost all colleges have gyms that students can use for free. If you aren’t into lifting weights that is fine. Alternatives could be intramural sports leagues, swimming, dance classes, and other options.
While college can be a time for fun it shouldn’t come at the cost of academics. College is just a phase of your life but how you perform academically can impact you career options initially. College shouldn’t be a four year party. Perform well academically and it can open up a lot of doors.
College professors are different than high school teachers. They have much more limited time with students and more demands. I strongly recommend going to office hours and getting to know your professors. If they know your name, face, and about you I have found that they are willing to help. They also have extensive networks which never hurts when searching for internships and jobs. While in college I developed relationships with several professors. When it came time for grad school I needed letters of recommendation for the admissions board to review. I approached two professors who I had cultivated relationships with over the years and asked for letters of recommendation. They disclosed to me that they were the grad school admissions board. They happily wrote letters to themselves recommending that I be accepted to grad school. Professors can open a lot of doors.
My experience is that in college keeping up academically is like drinking from a fire house. I found early on that my dorm room was not a good place to study. There were too many distractions and friends popping in to hang out. I quickly found a quiet spot on the 4th floor of the library where few people ventured. I ended up spending countless hours at “my table” doing my work and studying. Over the years I found other spots that were great for studying. They were always quiet and rarely used. Find your spot or spots that work for you.
Most college campuses have tutoring centers and services. These are usually provided for free and cover most major topics. I found that the classroom lectures and independent practice were not enough for me to thoroughly understand the material, particularly science and math courses. I ended up spending hours at the counseling center going over my work with tutors. This helped me perform exceptionally well academically.
Most colleges offer free counseling services to students. This is one of the few instances in life where you can get quality therapy for free. Now most of these counseling centers become overwhelmed around midterms and finals. Getting an appointment then can be tricky. Beat the crowds though. Make an early appointment and speak to someone about anything that is effecting you. Laying a strong foundation early on can help prevent depression and anxiety.
Sometimes I hear people say that college was the best time of their life. I find that incredibly sad. For people who say that it means that they peaked when they were 18-22 and they will never be that happy again. Sounds pretty grim to me. College can be a lot of fun. But don’t over hype it. Realize that college is just another phase in life. Have fun but don’t fell pressured that you need to make it the best years of your life.
College campuses have a plethora of organizations that you can join. These are a great way to meet like minded people and to structure your schedule. Find an organization that you are interested in and join it.
College can and should be fun. However it is a time to learn and grow. I have seen countless examples of young adults who only have crazy drunken stories and mediocre grades to show for their years at college. Have fun but keep focused on the fact that you are there to better yourself and your future. Simultaneously don’t take yourself to seriously. All work and no play leads to a dull existence. Realize that you can define what fun is for you. 20% of college students don’t drink. 1 in 3 have 3 drinks or less when they drink. Movies and media today portray college as one giant party for drugs and alcohol. It doesn’t have to be that. Figure out before you go to college what you want out of your experience. I encourage you to dream big and look beyond all the crazy parties. If you ever need someone to talk to reach out to your counseling center or to us.
Sources
https://adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/college-students/facts
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/06/college-students
This is probably a post I should have written a month ago. However it came to me this morning while I was on my morning walk around Madison. Summer has arrived for our college students. Unless they are attending summer sessions, they are most likely home. A common questions I get from parents is “Should […]
This is probably a post I should have written a month ago. However it came to me this morning while I was on my morning walk around Madison. Summer has arrived for our college students. Unless they are attending summer sessions, they are most likely home.
A common questions I get from parents is “Should I let my college-aged student drink in my home when they are home from school?” Logically they think “I know they are drinking at school anyway.” This is a great question and I am always happy to provide some thoughts. I also cover two other topics I think are worth covering with your child college student.
I remember when I was dropped off by my parents at college. While my mother cried my father took me to the side and told me two things.
As the youngest of four boys I was my mother’s baby. I made sure to call her a couple of times per week. This made her happy. This was a good directive from my father. After all, mothers worry.
His second point, that I was now an adult, was a little off. Technically based on age I was. But going to college was like having the training wheels taken off. At best I would say I was a quasi adult; part adult part child. I certainly had much more responsibility and a greater degree of freedom, but I was still immature and prone to poor decisions. By the time I finished college I was more of an adult than when I went to college.
Set up time with your child where you can sit down and discuss your expectations. I would caution against ambushing your child or having the conversation at 7 a.m. on your way out the door to work. Set up time in advance. Topics to cover:
As a member of Al-Anon I spend a lot of time with mothers who are excited about their children coming home from school. By the time June rolls around though they tell me they can’t wait to have the peace of their household back when their children return to school. Reintegrating in one household can be a little rough. On the one hand your child is always your child. On the other your child has partially become an adult. Realize that there may be some rocky moments. Have patience. Remember though that your house is your house. Do not condone illegal or dangerous behavior. Feel free to reach out to us here at NJFAI if you have any questions, comments or concerns.
This article originally appeared on USATODAY I was a 24-year-old senior at Rutgers in the fall of 2000. The product of a union between a college professor turned computer-based-training writer and a high school English teacher, I was completing a double major in History and English. I had gotten into a little bit of […]
This article originally appeared on USATODAY
I was a 24-year-old senior at Rutgers in the fall of 2000.
The product of a union between a college professor turned computer-based-training writer and a high school English teacher, I was completing a double major in History and English.
I had gotten into a little bit of trouble as a teenager, but I straightened out at 19 and promptly joined the Army.
My parents were divorced by then, but they were united in that neither of them offered suggestions or pressure about my post-college plans. Maybe it was because they were so thrilled that my ill-spent late teens were over, or perhaps it was that they saw that I was struggling with what to do next.
Like Holden Caulfield and Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack’s character in 1989’s “Say Anything”), I knew what I didn’t want to do that next year (make the Army a career, work full time, settle down with my college girlfriend, go to grad school), but I had no idea about what I wanted to do.
I had spent most of my entire life to that point as a student … and now I would no longer be one. I doubted that I could wake up early on a regular basis and worried that I would not be able to hold down a full-time job.
And if I was able to keep a job, I was terrified that I would find it boring and uninspiring (reading novels about fascinating characters having adventures and studying historical figures does not spiritually prepare one for the drudgery of cubical life).
I was staring into a big scary void. I wasn’t depressed that winter, but I certainly was in a bit of a funk.
My father’s longtime girlfriend at the time told me that I was being “overly self-indulgent” and that I should just pick something.
To be fair, my girlfriend wasn’t pressuring me to settle down (we were a bit off again, on again). Additionally my Army National Guard contract wasn’t finished until February 2002.
Scared to leave college, I applied to a bunch of graduate programs without having a clear sense of what I would do with those degrees.
That summer, I drove across America with my long-term college roommate and we spent a few weeks in Alaska. We ate salmon and crab, rode a boat on the inner passage, hiked around Denali, and drove all the way to the Arctic Circle. It was memorable and glorious.
I received a graduate assistantship to the Bloustein School of Public Policy that fall. Ten days into the semester, the Twin Towers fell and I was activated to guard the Hudson River crossings.
Returning to class, I felt as lost as I had the previous winter. During spring break, I read a Michael Chabon novel and decided to up and move to Seattle. I had no idea what I would do there, but I figured that I would figure it out in a new place.
Seattle quickly morphed into Tokyo. I spent all of 2003 there teaching English to people as young as 12 to as old as 79. Right before I left, one of my best friends overdosed and died.
I spent many evenings wandering around Tokyo thinking of my dead friend and what I would eventually do. During this time I discovered that I adored teaching. I met lifelong friends from England, Australia and New Zealand. I traveled around Southeast Asia. Weekly I wrote an email column for my friends and family and read dozens of books. Living in Japan was one of the seminal experiences of my life.
When I returned to America, I took a full-time job as a drug counselor. A few months later enrolled in full-time grad school to become a social worker. Eventually, I settled down with my college girlfriend (we divorced in 2014, but getting married to her was still a smart choice). I finished another master’s at Bloustein. A few years later I rejoined the Army and have made it a career.
If you are keeping score, I ended up doing all of the things that I said I wasn’t ready to do back in that winter of 2000. The key lesson is that I wasn’t ready to do them then. I had to grow into myself.
If you are graduating from college or grad school this year, this column may help you. If you are someone who needs direct advice, though, here are a few pointers:
Graham Greene wrote that until you’re faced with the disrepair of old age, the scariest year of one’s life is the lonely and confusing year immediately after high school or college. For many people, that’s true. It doesn’t have to be. Good luck, Class of 2017.
Sources:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/local/how-we-live/2017/05/18/you-graduated-college-now-what/324797001/
