New Jersey Family and Addiction Institute
My WordPress Blog
As a therapist I work with a lot of college students. Some come for depression, others for anxiety. Many report feelings of loneliness. Almost all share that they feel a bit lost about who they are and what they actually want to do. I really enjoy working with my college students. Recently, I have noticed […]
As a therapist I work with a lot of college students. Some come for depression, others for anxiety. Many report feelings of loneliness. Almost all share that they feel a bit lost about who they are and what they actually want to do. I really enjoy working with my college students. Recently, I have noticed a new theme with them; a strong desire to return to school and the fear that it isn’t likely to happen.
In early March I really started to become concerned about the COVID-19 virus. I remember thinking that it was only a matter of time before schools would start to close. One of my Rutgers students contacted me one day and said that Rutgers was closing for several weeks following spring break. Immediately I thought, “Right now the school is only saying they are closing for several weeks but once they stop they aren’t going back.” Sure enough, after several weeks Rutgers announced that the campuses would remain closed for the rest of the semester.
Most of my students were disappointed. Several of them are paying their way through school. The majority of my students value in-person learning. They kept their chins up and soldiered through the rest of the semester. They were propelled by the thought “Well this sucks but we will back on campus in the fall.” The issue now is that that may not be likely.
I fear that we are going to see a domino effect. Throughout the pandemic California has been at the forefront of taking action steps to fight back. California was the first state to shelter-in-place.
Like California, New Jersey and New York have been especially hit hard by the pandemic. Both states have mirrored many of the steps that California has taken. In just the past few days California has announced that fall 2020 classes will only be offered online. Additionally, they advised that none of the campuses will fully re-open in the fall.
With California closing schools for the fall 2020 semester, it seems like it is only a matter of time before New York and New Jersey follow suit. While I don’t anticipate big schools like Rutgers announcing campuses will remain closed for the fall semester anytime soon, I think they eventually will.
Rutgers has already started to take steps in that direction. Several of my students have reported to me that the only classes offered for next semester so far are all online courses. It seems like the writing is on the wall.
This is one of the main questions I have been getting from students recently. The first thing that I remind them of is that the fall semester is still months away. The current environment is very fluid and ever shifting. There is no way to know what things will look like in September right now.
For all of the concerned students I work with we perform a cost-benefit analysis. Is the cost (time and money) worth the benefit of online courses (learning and staying on track with graduation)? We also look at their motives and goals surrounding school.
If their goals are to graduate to get the “piece of paper” which shows that they checked that box, then they might elect to take online courses.
Alternatively, if their goal is to learn and they feel they don’t get the same education from online classes, then we look at taking a semester off. Several students have shared with me that once courses switched to online numerous professors “checked out.” They stopped hosting lectures and students just needed to respond to weekly posts. All learning came to a stop for those who learn best within an interactive or listening approach.
The decision to take a semester off shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you just spend that time playing video games, watching television, or on social media, you made a poor decision. Alternatively, if you spend that time working on yourself, it is time well spent. Below are some ways you can focus on your development.
I have multiple degrees. Between undergrad and grad school I took over 70 courses. I have something like 220 credits. Yet in all honesty I feel that most of what I have learned has come from reading books. I have no set process for picking books to read. The only prerequisite is that the topic sounds interesting. At different points books clarified for me the type of work I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.
If you decide to take the semester off read. Read a lot. Read about whatever interests you. You might discover careers you never thought of. You might realize that careers you thought you would like you actually don’t. Books represent an opportunity to get insight into different career paths. Countless times I have had clients come in in their mid-20s hating their jobs but too scared to start over. I have written about that extensively before. You can access that article here.
We live in a hyper-consumption society today. The messages we receive is to pursue more. More money. More toys. More success. Yet every day I encounter people who achieved “more”. They have everything they set out to get only to then realize it doesn’t mean anything to them.
Most young adults are in pursuit of the golden ring. They reason with themselves saying “Well once I get enough then I can actually think about all that other stuff.” This is completely backwards. College students are at a unique age. They are in the formative years where they still have curiosity and haven’t been tainted by the pursuit of money.
A semester off is a great time to really hone in on what’s important to you and what you want out of life. Get in touch with what’s in your heart. Numerous studies clearly show that money does not correlate to more happiness beyond a certain level. It turns out that that level is much lower than most realize.
One of my favorite ways to engage in self-reflection is journaling. Anytime I journal the first half is usually just a thought dump, a mental de-cluttering process. The next quarter is focused on making sense of what’s going on in my head and in my life. The final section, and the really important one, is focused on how I want to move forward and what is important to me.
Just because you aren’t in crisis doesn’t mean that you couldn’t benefit from help. A number of my clients started seeing me when they were actually in a stable place. They figured that since there weren’t any fires in their lives to be put out that they could jump right into some deep work.
Use this time to invest in yourself. Don’t be afraid to get some therapy and dig really deep into your life. Everyone has issues that could use some work. Everyone has pain in their past and worry about their future. Therapy can help you really clarify what is important to you in your heart. Armed with that knowledge when life returns to normal you can move forward with intent and purpose. Reach out to us here to chat. We are happy to talk with you.
“I think if I couldn’t ‘vape’ I might go back to smoking.” That and a puff of ‘vape juice’ was my friend’s response when I asked her what her stance was on the recent e-cigarette debates. *Kiara, who was previously a devoted cigarette smoker, has gone from 12 milligrams of nicotine, down to 3 milligrams, and […]
“I think if I couldn’t ‘vape’ I might go back to smoking.” That and a puff of ‘vape juice’ was my friend’s response when I asked her what her stance was on the recent e-cigarette debates. *Kiara, who was previously a devoted cigarette smoker, has gone from 12 milligrams of nicotine, down to 3 milligrams, and hopes to gradually stop vaping entirely. While vaping may be an appealing harm reduction or smoking cessation tool for Kiara, it’s an immensely unknown product. One study found e-cigarettes to be significantly more effective than nicotine replacement therapy (such as the nicotine gum) as a smoking cessation tool. Eighteen percent of the participants vaping quit smoking compared to the 10 percent of those using nicotine replacement therapy. Notably, 80 percent of the successful e-cigarette participants were still reliant on vaping a year later, contrasted to 9 percent of the other group’s reliance on their product. This suggests that knowledge of potential harm is imperative to approximately 30.4 percent using e-cigarettes as a smoking alternative ability to make a well-informed decision.
As of September 19, 2019, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is investigating 380 cases of lung disease, and six deaths, purportedly caused by vaping. The CDC has not yet identified the precise cause, such as specific device, or liquid. While extremely unfortunate, for those using e-cigarettes to stop smoking cigarettes, this number isn’t as frightening as the 480,000 yearly U.S deaths caused by smoking. So, simply from a harm reduction tool perspective and given the absence of longitudinal data, vaping appears to be very much a lesser of two evils. The best choice? Perhaps not. But an effective harm reduction tool? Given the information we have now, it would seem so.
Perhaps the real fear then is surrounding the constantly increasing number of teens vaping. Approximately 1 in 5 high school students and 1 in 20 middle school students reported vaping in the past 30 days in 2018. After seeing a decline in recent years, the CDC found that in 2018, nearly 2 of every 25 high school students, and 1 in 50 middle school students reported having smoked a cigarette in the past 30 days. That is 20.8 percent of high school students reporting e-cigarette use, related to the 8.1 percent reporting cigarette use. There are those who reason that one cannot definitively say that the teenagers who are vaping wouldn’t have otherwise smoked or are using it to stop smoking. Research says otherwise. There have been numerous studies that looked for a link between personality and predispositions to smoking. One study found that teenagers who were not close to their parents and had a more rebellious personality were more likely to smoke. However, attempts to find the same link between vaping and rebelliousness have come up short, and in fact, many of these no-risk taker/low risk of smoking teens began smoking after vaping for a time.
In a 2015 interview with the founders of Juul, a popular e-cigarette company, Ari Atkins, Juul Research and Development Engineer, said “We don’t think a lot about addiction here because we’re not trying to design a cessation product at all… anything about health is not on our mind.” The appeal to teenagers is three-fold, appealing flavors and the absence of the offensive scent, accessibility for all ages, and the marketing tactics, that can all be said to be targeting teenagers and related to lacking federal oversight.
Kiara took personal offense to the heightened stigma of vaping. She described the taste and smell as a pivotal part of her being able to stop smoking, “I understand [that if flavors are banned] it would taste like nicotine, so like cigarettes. I don’t know what I would do, as a huge part of vaping is it releases the social stigma of smelling like cigarettes, and why make the taste undesirable to me as a consumer?” The problem is, the flavor and smell component are a big appeal to teenagers as well and send the message of lacking harm and being young and fun. I don’t see the taste as being imperative to the appeal for adult smokers, but I do understand the smell component. Perhaps there is a way to keep the taste unflavored, but make the smell perfumed.
Kiara isn’t looking to make vaping a free for all and keep the current climate. She noted that she is all about regulation. In 2016, a professor at the University of California took offense to the apparent age requirements, one aspect of the lacking regulatory requisites, as accessibility seemed too easy for the presumed regulations. To test this, he had several teenagers- ages 16 and 17- try and purchase e-liquid from 120 U.S online vape shops. They used their real names, their debit cards, but faked their birthdate to make them appear above 21 years old. However, if they were asked to verify their ages, they gave their real driver’s licenses. A related study was done in North Carolina, a state that prohibits the sale of e-cigs to minors and requires verification of age. The study found that of the 98 attempted online e-cigarette purchases, 75 were delivered. A few of the online stores stated that verification of age would be required upon delivery, but they did not follow through. Granted, there have been some improvements since 2016, but the regulations on vape product sales to minors need to be far more restrictive, with real consequence.
The North Carolina study above also noted that while these stores claimed not to sell to minors, and not to seek out minors as consumers, some of the orders arrived with candy and little toys. This is clever marketing that sends a very strong subliminal message of playfulness and matches Ari Atkin’s sentiments. Since the popularization of vaping, there have been many advertisements and marketing tactics that seem to target teenagers and suggest harmlessness. In response to a 2014 Blu (a popular e-cigarette company) ad in Sports Illustrated critics said, “Using sex to sell cigarettes is nothing new… and e-cigarettes are pushing the envelope because they’re unregulated.” Blu (a company who has since removed theirs), and other companies used gimmicky cartoons, and advertisements, making more accountability necessary here as well.
So, with improved flavor, age, and overall marketing regulations we may be able to decrease the number of new teenage users, and truly make this about harm reduction and cessation than it previously was. But, how do we account for the many teenagers already addicted? Banning attractive flavors may help prevent further engagement and addiction, but retroactively will it do enough to the teenagers already drawn in, perhaps this should be a matter of focus as well?
This article is part one of three on going to college. This article will focus on tips to help students transition into college. Part two will focus on tips for younger siblings. Part three will focus on parents. In a few days I will be going on a service trip to Poland with a group […]
This article is part one of three on going to college. This article will focus on tips to help students transition into college. Part two will focus on tips for younger siblings. Part three will focus on parents.
In a few days I will be going on a service trip to Poland with a group of youths from Florham Park. The kid are between 12 and 18 years old. The majority of them are 18 and transitioning to college in September. Being around them has made me reflect on my own transition into college years ago. I am the youngest of four boys. When my oldest brother went to college I cried. Intuitively I knew that we would never all live under the same roof together. My brothers and I made a ritual. The last night that they were home before they went to school we would spend the night together watching movies.
By the time I went to school I was the only one living at home. I had the latest move in date for my group of friends. I remember my last night I felt conflicting emotions. I was excited but also slightly sad. I realized that I was moving on from the home that I had always known. I also felt slightly guilty for leaving my parents. I was worried about how they would cope with an empty house. It was also slightly terrifying to go to school where I didn’t know anyone. I knew I would have to make a new group of friends which is something I hadn’t done in years.
Anxiety, depression, stress and feeling overwhelmed are very common on college campuses. Below are some statistics on the prevalence of these feelings.
Clearly college students are struggling. The transition to college that I experienced is not uncommon. Below is a list of tips for college students to help with their transition.
Having a steady sleep routine is important. I have always been a reader. Most nights in college I would turn off all of my electronic devices and read for at least half an hour before I went to bed. My freshman year we had a television in my dorm room. That was one of only two years that I had a television in my bedroom. Avoid falling asleep with the television on.
Proper nutrition is key. College dining halls aren’t know for putting out the most healthy food. Rather they serve food that is cheap to buy in bulk. However most dining halls do have health options including salad bars and plenty of fruit. Most days I had a salad for lunch and took a piece of fruit on my way out for a snack.
Exercise is very important for overall health and well-being. It is also a strong combatant to stress and depression. Almost all colleges have gyms that students can use for free. If you aren’t into lifting weights that is fine. Alternatives could be intramural sports leagues, swimming, dance classes, and other options.
While college can be a time for fun it shouldn’t come at the cost of academics. College is just a phase of your life but how you perform academically can impact you career options initially. College shouldn’t be a four year party. Perform well academically and it can open up a lot of doors.
College professors are different than high school teachers. They have much more limited time with students and more demands. I strongly recommend going to office hours and getting to know your professors. If they know your name, face, and about you I have found that they are willing to help. They also have extensive networks which never hurts when searching for internships and jobs. While in college I developed relationships with several professors. When it came time for grad school I needed letters of recommendation for the admissions board to review. I approached two professors who I had cultivated relationships with over the years and asked for letters of recommendation. They disclosed to me that they were the grad school admissions board. They happily wrote letters to themselves recommending that I be accepted to grad school. Professors can open a lot of doors.
My experience is that in college keeping up academically is like drinking from a fire house. I found early on that my dorm room was not a good place to study. There were too many distractions and friends popping in to hang out. I quickly found a quiet spot on the 4th floor of the library where few people ventured. I ended up spending countless hours at “my table” doing my work and studying. Over the years I found other spots that were great for studying. They were always quiet and rarely used. Find your spot or spots that work for you.
Most college campuses have tutoring centers and services. These are usually provided for free and cover most major topics. I found that the classroom lectures and independent practice were not enough for me to thoroughly understand the material, particularly science and math courses. I ended up spending hours at the counseling center going over my work with tutors. This helped me perform exceptionally well academically.
Most colleges offer free counseling services to students. This is one of the few instances in life where you can get quality therapy for free. Now most of these counseling centers become overwhelmed around midterms and finals. Getting an appointment then can be tricky. Beat the crowds though. Make an early appointment and speak to someone about anything that is effecting you. Laying a strong foundation early on can help prevent depression and anxiety.
Sometimes I hear people say that college was the best time of their life. I find that incredibly sad. For people who say that it means that they peaked when they were 18-22 and they will never be that happy again. Sounds pretty grim to me. College can be a lot of fun. But don’t over hype it. Realize that college is just another phase in life. Have fun but don’t fell pressured that you need to make it the best years of your life.
College campuses have a plethora of organizations that you can join. These are a great way to meet like minded people and to structure your schedule. Find an organization that you are interested in and join it.
College can and should be fun. However it is a time to learn and grow. I have seen countless examples of young adults who only have crazy drunken stories and mediocre grades to show for their years at college. Have fun but keep focused on the fact that you are there to better yourself and your future. Simultaneously don’t take yourself to seriously. All work and no play leads to a dull existence. Realize that you can define what fun is for you. 20% of college students don’t drink. 1 in 3 have 3 drinks or less when they drink. Movies and media today portray college as one giant party for drugs and alcohol. It doesn’t have to be that. Figure out before you go to college what you want out of your experience. I encourage you to dream big and look beyond all the crazy parties. If you ever need someone to talk to reach out to your counseling center or to us.
Sources
https://adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/college-students/facts
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/06/college-students
This is probably a post I should have written a month ago. However it came to me this morning while I was on my morning walk around Madison. Summer has arrived for our college students. Unless they are attending summer sessions, they are most likely home. A common questions I get from parents is “Should […]
This is probably a post I should have written a month ago. However it came to me this morning while I was on my morning walk around Madison. Summer has arrived for our college students. Unless they are attending summer sessions, they are most likely home.
A common questions I get from parents is “Should I let my college-aged student drink in my home when they are home from school?” Logically they think “I know they are drinking at school anyway.” This is a great question and I am always happy to provide some thoughts. I also cover two other topics I think are worth covering with your child college student.
I remember when I was dropped off by my parents at college. While my mother cried my father took me to the side and told me two things.
As the youngest of four boys I was my mother’s baby. I made sure to call her a couple of times per week. This made her happy. This was a good directive from my father. After all, mothers worry.
His second point, that I was now an adult, was a little off. Technically based on age I was. But going to college was like having the training wheels taken off. At best I would say I was a quasi adult; part adult part child. I certainly had much more responsibility and a greater degree of freedom, but I was still immature and prone to poor decisions. By the time I finished college I was more of an adult than when I went to college.
Set up time with your child where you can sit down and discuss your expectations. I would caution against ambushing your child or having the conversation at 7 a.m. on your way out the door to work. Set up time in advance. Topics to cover:
As a member of Al-Anon I spend a lot of time with mothers who are excited about their children coming home from school. By the time June rolls around though they tell me they can’t wait to have the peace of their household back when their children return to school. Reintegrating in one household can be a little rough. On the one hand your child is always your child. On the other your child has partially become an adult. Realize that there may be some rocky moments. Have patience. Remember though that your house is your house. Do not condone illegal or dangerous behavior. Feel free to reach out to us here at NJFAI if you have any questions, comments or concerns.
This article originally appeared on USATODAY I was a 24-year-old senior at Rutgers in the fall of 2000. The product of a union between a college professor turned computer-based-training writer and a high school English teacher, I was completing a double major in History and English. I had gotten into a little bit of […]
This article originally appeared on USATODAY
I was a 24-year-old senior at Rutgers in the fall of 2000.
The product of a union between a college professor turned computer-based-training writer and a high school English teacher, I was completing a double major in History and English.
I had gotten into a little bit of trouble as a teenager, but I straightened out at 19 and promptly joined the Army.
My parents were divorced by then, but they were united in that neither of them offered suggestions or pressure about my post-college plans. Maybe it was because they were so thrilled that my ill-spent late teens were over, or perhaps it was that they saw that I was struggling with what to do next.
Like Holden Caulfield and Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack’s character in 1989’s “Say Anything”), I knew what I didn’t want to do that next year (make the Army a career, work full time, settle down with my college girlfriend, go to grad school), but I had no idea about what I wanted to do.
I had spent most of my entire life to that point as a student … and now I would no longer be one. I doubted that I could wake up early on a regular basis and worried that I would not be able to hold down a full-time job.
And if I was able to keep a job, I was terrified that I would find it boring and uninspiring (reading novels about fascinating characters having adventures and studying historical figures does not spiritually prepare one for the drudgery of cubical life).
I was staring into a big scary void. I wasn’t depressed that winter, but I certainly was in a bit of a funk.
My father’s longtime girlfriend at the time told me that I was being “overly self-indulgent” and that I should just pick something.
To be fair, my girlfriend wasn’t pressuring me to settle down (we were a bit off again, on again). Additionally my Army National Guard contract wasn’t finished until February 2002.
Scared to leave college, I applied to a bunch of graduate programs without having a clear sense of what I would do with those degrees.
That summer, I drove across America with my long-term college roommate and we spent a few weeks in Alaska. We ate salmon and crab, rode a boat on the inner passage, hiked around Denali, and drove all the way to the Arctic Circle. It was memorable and glorious.
I received a graduate assistantship to the Bloustein School of Public Policy that fall. Ten days into the semester, the Twin Towers fell and I was activated to guard the Hudson River crossings.
Returning to class, I felt as lost as I had the previous winter. During spring break, I read a Michael Chabon novel and decided to up and move to Seattle. I had no idea what I would do there, but I figured that I would figure it out in a new place.
Seattle quickly morphed into Tokyo. I spent all of 2003 there teaching English to people as young as 12 to as old as 79. Right before I left, one of my best friends overdosed and died.
I spent many evenings wandering around Tokyo thinking of my dead friend and what I would eventually do. During this time I discovered that I adored teaching. I met lifelong friends from England, Australia and New Zealand. I traveled around Southeast Asia. Weekly I wrote an email column for my friends and family and read dozens of books. Living in Japan was one of the seminal experiences of my life.
When I returned to America, I took a full-time job as a drug counselor. A few months later enrolled in full-time grad school to become a social worker. Eventually, I settled down with my college girlfriend (we divorced in 2014, but getting married to her was still a smart choice). I finished another master’s at Bloustein. A few years later I rejoined the Army and have made it a career.
If you are keeping score, I ended up doing all of the things that I said I wasn’t ready to do back in that winter of 2000. The key lesson is that I wasn’t ready to do them then. I had to grow into myself.
If you are graduating from college or grad school this year, this column may help you. If you are someone who needs direct advice, though, here are a few pointers:
Graham Greene wrote that until you’re faced with the disrepair of old age, the scariest year of one’s life is the lonely and confusing year immediately after high school or college. For many people, that’s true. It doesn’t have to be. Good luck, Class of 2017.
Sources:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/local/how-we-live/2017/05/18/you-graduated-college-now-what/324797001/
